"I'm a man in my twenties and the past three women I've opened up to on our 6th/7th date have ended things with me shortly afterward. All I've shared is that I'm looking for a meaningful relationship and/or that I'm not content with my job. Is emotional availability cool, or are signs of weakness simply a turnoff for women?"
Emotional availability is absolutely cool—but timing and delivery are everything. When you’re six or seven dates in, you’re still in the pre-honeymoon phase, a stage where the focus is on having fun, enjoying each other’s company, and exploring whether a deeper connection is possible. Emotional availability isn’t about oversharing or rushing to reveal your vulnerabilities; it’s about being open, present, and willing to build a connection. It means sharing your feelings, listening deeply, and showing genuine curiosity about the emotions of others.
From your question, it sounds like the way you’re approaching emotional sharing might be creating unintended consequences. If you’re expressing that you’re seeking a meaningful relationship or feeling dissatisfied with your job, reflect on how you’re framing these thoughts. When you say, “I’m looking for something meaningful,” it might come across as too heavy if the relationship itself hasn’t naturally reached that level of depth. Similarly, discussing job dissatisfaction without pairing it with a sense of hope or a plan for improvement might feel like unloading rather than connecting.
According to attachment theory—a concept explored by psychologists like John Bowlby and popularized in books like Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller—the way we communicate emotional needs can either draw people closer or push them away. Sharing too much too soon, or in a way that focuses on problems rather than growth, can overwhelm a partner who’s still getting to know you.
One helpful practice to refine how you communicate emotions is journaling. Spend 20 minutes writing freely about what’s on your mind. This process can help you clarify your thoughts, understand your feelings, and express yourself more effectively. Journaling also creates a safe space to process insecurities and doubts, so they don’t unintentionally dominate your conversations.
Ultimately, emotional availability is about balance. Being open doesn’t mean laying everything bare at once—it’s about creating a safe and healthy emotional connection over time. As you refine how and when you share, you’ll likely find that emotional availability becomes a strength that deepens your connections, rather than a barrier.
Reggie Manning, MSW
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This article also appeared in Unattached