How Do I Navigate a Vacation With My Husband and Unreasonable Mother?

    “My husband does not get along with my mother and I'm nervous about an impending vacation. Both my husband and my mother are used to getting their way without compromising and the last trip we took together they got into several arguments, even over something as simple as appetizers to order for the table. I haven't spoken with them in the past but I'm tempted to ask my husband to just please be the bigger person this time around. The truth is that my mother is genuinely unreasonable and it would be much easier to let her get her way for three days without any drama. But how do I start a conversation without making it seem like I'm taking my mother's side?”
    
    It sounds like finding your voice and navigating this dynamic is challenging, but you’re already taking a great first step by thinking ahead. Managing relationships, especially between your spouse and a difficult parent, can be tricky, but clear communication and teamwork can make all the difference.
    
    In a healthy marriage, it helps to think of you and your husband as being on the same team. Let him know that you’ve been reflecting on the upcoming trip and want to talk about ways to minimize the tension your mother tends to create. A good way to frame this is to acknowledge the challenge and invite his input: “I know my mom can be really difficult, and I want to make this trip as smooth as possible for both of us. Do you have any ideas about how we can approach things together?” This approach makes it clear that you’re not siding with your mother—you’re working with him to make the best of a tense situation.
    
    Acknowledging the problem openly can go a long way. By validating your husband’s perspective and frustrations, you show that you’re aware of his feelings and on his side. At the same time, you may want to set realistic expectations: “It might be easiest to let her have her way for these few days, but I’d love to hear what you think would help.” This way, he feels heard and supported, while also understanding the potential strategy for avoiding conflict.
    
    If you’re looking for tools to express yourself more effectively, consider exploring Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. This approach focuses on expressing feelings and needs in a way that fosters collaboration rather than conflict. Similarly, the concept of “triangulation” in family systems theory (popularized by Dr. Murray Bowen) may help you understand the dynamics at play and how to avoid being caught in the middle.
    
    It may feel easier to let someone get their way, but finding your voice and expressing your feelings can strengthen both your relationship with your husband and your ability to manage family dynamics. By approaching this with honesty and teamwork, you’re setting the stage for a less stressful trip and deeper mutual understanding.
    
    Reggie Manning, MSW

Schedule a free consultation here

This article also appeared in Unattached

Was She Right to Break Up Over My Texting Habits?

"This girl ended our relationship because I was 'Too unresponsive over text.' Sure, it took me a while to respond to texts and I didn't do much to carry on a conversation. That's because I see text as a means for making in-person plans. When we did meet in person, we had a great time. I never flaked or was late to a single date. Do you think she has a point, or did she do me a favor by breaking up with me?"
    
    It sounds like you’re reflecting on what happened, which is a great first step. Whether this was a budding relationship or someone you were dating for a while, one thing is clear: good communication is key. Whether it’s in person, via text, or over the phone, understanding and bridging communication styles can make or break a relationship.
    
    You see texts as a practical tool for making plans—a means to an end. That’s a perfectly valid perspective, but it’s worth considering that your partner may have viewed texting differently. For many people, texting is not just a way to arrange meetups; it’s an ongoing way to connect, share moments, and deepen intimacy. If she valued consistent communication by text, your slower responses and lack of conversational engagement might have come across as disinterest or emotional unavailability, even if that wasn’t your intention.
    
    It’s not about changing who you are or what you value, but about finding ways to meet in the middle. A simple acknowledgment—a quick “Got it!” or even a thumbs-up emoji—can go a long way in showing you’re present and engaged. These small efforts signal that you value the connection, even if texting isn’t your preferred medium.
    
    In relationships, it’s also important to communicate about communication. If you notice that someone prefers texting and you don’t, bring it up early. For example, “I’m not big on texting, but I really enjoy talking on the phone or meeting in person—does that work for you?” This opens the door for honest discussion about expectations and preferences.
    
    If texting consistently isn’t your strength, you might consider incorporating other tools, like brief phone calls or sending thoughtful messages that show you’re invested. As Gary Chapman notes in The 5 Love Languages, everyone expresses and receives love differently. Perhaps her “language” was words of affirmation through regular texting, while yours leaned more toward quality time in person.
    
    Ultimately, she may have done you a favor by helping you reflect on how you communicate in relationships. By understanding and adapting to different communication styles, you’ll be better prepared for future relationships—and potentially deepen the next connection you form.

Reggie Manning, MSW

Schedule a free consultation here

This article also appeared in Unattached

Is Emotional Availability Cool

"I'm a man in my twenties and the past three women I've opened up to on our 6th/7th date have ended things with me shortly afterward. All I've shared is that I'm looking for a meaningful relationship and/or that I'm not content with my job. Is emotional availability cool, or are signs of weakness simply a turnoff for women?"

Emotional availability is absolutely cool—but timing and delivery are everything. When you’re six or seven dates in, you’re still in the pre-honeymoon phase, a stage where the focus is on having fun, enjoying each other’s company, and exploring whether a deeper connection is possible. Emotional availability isn’t about oversharing or rushing to reveal your vulnerabilities; it’s about being open, present, and willing to build a connection. It means sharing your feelings, listening deeply, and showing genuine curiosity about the emotions of others.
    
    From your question, it sounds like the way you’re approaching emotional sharing might be creating unintended consequences. If you’re expressing that you’re seeking a meaningful relationship or feeling dissatisfied with your job, reflect on how you’re framing these thoughts. When you say, “I’m looking for something meaningful,” it might come across as too heavy if the relationship itself hasn’t naturally reached that level of depth. Similarly, discussing job dissatisfaction without pairing it with a sense of hope or a plan for improvement might feel like unloading rather than connecting.
    
     According to attachment theory—a concept explored by psychologists like John Bowlby and popularized in books like Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller—the way we communicate emotional needs can either draw people closer or push them away. Sharing too much too soon, or in a way that focuses on problems rather than growth, can overwhelm a partner who’s still getting to know you.
    
    One helpful practice to refine how you communicate emotions is journaling. Spend 20 minutes writing freely about what’s on your mind. This process can help you clarify your thoughts, understand your feelings, and express yourself more effectively. Journaling also creates a safe space to process insecurities and doubts, so they don’t unintentionally dominate your conversations.
    
    Ultimately, emotional availability is about balance. Being open doesn’t mean laying everything bare at once—it’s about creating a safe and healthy emotional connection over time. As you refine how and when you share, you’ll likely find that emotional availability becomes a strength that deepens your connections, rather than a barrier.
    
    Reggie Manning, MSW
   

Schedule a free consultation here

This article also appeared in Unattached

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How To Find a Good Life Coach

In today's fast-paced and complex world, people are constantly striving for growth in their personal and professional life. Life coaching has emerged as an effective tool to help people overcome challenges and realize their goals. Life coaches work with clients to identify their goals, create action plans, and offer support and guidance throughout the process. Working with a life coach can be a key to personal development, self-discovery, and self-empowerment. That said, finding a skilled life coach can be a daunting task. In this article, we will explore some key factors to consider when choosing a life coach that best aligns with your needs and goals.

Before choosing a life coach, it's essential to understand what life coaching is and how it differs from other forms of therapy or counseling. Life coaching is a creative process that focuses on the present and future, rather than events from a person’s past. A great life coach will look back when necessary but keep the focus on the future. It's a collaborative process between the coach and the client, where the coach acts as a facilitator and guide to help the client achieve their goals and emotional well-being. A life coach is not a substitute for medical or mental health treatment and does not diagnose or treat mental illness or psychological disorders.

Benefits of Life Coaching

Coaching sessions can be a valuable investment in your personal growth. A good life coach can help you clarify your values, overcome obstacles, and achieve success in almost every aspect of your life. Life coaches can help you better understand your aspirations and any reservations, habits, or fears that may be getting in the way of achieving them. A life coach can lead you to a more fulfilling personal life by setting obtainable goals and creating a plan of action to help you achieve them. Here are some of the benefits of working with a life coach:

Overcoming Obstacles and Challenges

Life coaching can help you overcome obstacles and challenges that are holding you back. Life coaches can provide support, guidance, and accountability as you work through difficult situations. They can also help you develop strategies and skills to overcome challenges and achieve your goals.

Clarifying Goals and Priorities

One of the main benefits of working with a dedicated coach is gaining clarity on your goals and priorities. A life coach can help you identify what's most important to you and create a roadmap to achieve your goals. They can also help you clarify your values and beliefs, empowering you to make better decisions and live a more fulfilling life.

Building Self Confidence and Self-Esteem

Working with a coach will help you build confidence and self-esteem and unlock your personal and professional potential. A coach can guide you toward better understanding your strengths and talents and develop a plan to leverage them. They can also help you overcome self-doubt, negative patterns, bad habits, and negative self-talk, which can improve your overall well-being and quality of life.

Improving Relationships

A life coach can also help you to improve your relationships with others. A coach can help you understand patterns in your behavior and increase your self-awareness and communication skills that may be impacting your relationships. A life coach can also provide guidance on how to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and build healthy relationships.

Types of Life Coaches

Coaching Approach and Techniques

Life coaching is a collaborative process that focuses on helping clients understand and achieve their goals and maximize their potential. There are several coaching approaches and techniques that coaches use to help clients achieve their desired outcomes. Many life coaches combine methods and approaches from different coaching techniques to suit each individual. Here are some of the most common coaching approaches and techniques:

Solution-Focused Coaching

Solution-focused life coaching is a goal-oriented approach that focuses on finding solutions to the client's challenges and problems. This approach involves asking questions that help the client identify their strengths and resources and create a plan to achieve their goals.

Cognitive-Behavioral Coaching

Cognitive-behavioral coaching is an approach that focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors that are holding the client back. This approach involves identifying negative beliefs and replacing them with positive ones and developing strategies to change negative behaviors.

Positive Psychology Coaching

Positive psychology coaching is an approach that focuses on identifying and building on the client's strengths and positive qualities. This approach involves using techniques such as gratitude journaling and positive affirmations to help the client develop a positive mindset and achieve their goals.

Appreciative Inquiry

Appreciative Inquiry is a type of life coaching that focuses on identifying and building on an individual's strengths, positive qualities, and past successes. This approach is based on the belief that by focusing on what is working well, individuals can create positive change and achieve their goals.

Compatibility and Chemistry

When choosing a life coach, it's essential to consider compatibility and chemistry with the coach. The coach-client relationship is built on trust, openness, and mutual respect. It's crucial to find a coach who you feel comfortable with and can connect with on a personal level.

Compatibility involves several factors, such as personality, communication style, and coaching approach. Some clients prefer a coach who is more direct and challenging, while others prefer a coach who is more supportive and nurturing. It's essential to choose a coach whose coaching style aligns with your needs and preferences.

Chemistry refers to the connection and rapport between the coach and client. A good coach should be able to create a safe and supportive environment where you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings. They should also be able to provide feedback and guidance that resonates with you and helps you achieve your goals.

To assess compatibility and chemistry, it's a good idea to schedule a consultation or discovery session with the coach. This will give you an opportunity to get to know the coach and see if their coaching style and approach align with your needs and preferences. Ideally, you should find a coach who doesn’t charge for the initial discovery session

Choosing a life coach is a personal decision, and compatibility and chemistry play a significant role in the process. It's important to take the time to find a coach who is a good fit for you and can help you achieve your goals.

Conclusion

Choosing a good life coach can be a transformative experience that helps you achieve your goals and live a more fulfilling life. Consider the factors discussed in this article, such as credentials, specializations, coaching approach, compatibility, availability, fees, testimonials, and ethics, before making your decision.

Reggie Manning, MSW

Schedule a free consultation here