Was She Right to Break Up Over My Texting Habits?

"This girl ended our relationship because I was 'Too unresponsive over text.' Sure, it took me a while to respond to texts and I didn't do much to carry on a conversation. That's because I see text as a means for making in-person plans. When we did meet in person, we had a great time. I never flaked or was late to a single date. Do you think she has a point, or did she do me a favor by breaking up with me?"
    
    It sounds like you’re reflecting on what happened, which is a great first step. Whether this was a budding relationship or someone you were dating for a while, one thing is clear: good communication is key. Whether it’s in person, via text, or over the phone, understanding and bridging communication styles can make or break a relationship.
    
    You see texts as a practical tool for making plans—a means to an end. That’s a perfectly valid perspective, but it’s worth considering that your partner may have viewed texting differently. For many people, texting is not just a way to arrange meetups; it’s an ongoing way to connect, share moments, and deepen intimacy. If she valued consistent communication by text, your slower responses and lack of conversational engagement might have come across as disinterest or emotional unavailability, even if that wasn’t your intention.
    
    It’s not about changing who you are or what you value, but about finding ways to meet in the middle. A simple acknowledgment—a quick “Got it!” or even a thumbs-up emoji—can go a long way in showing you’re present and engaged. These small efforts signal that you value the connection, even if texting isn’t your preferred medium.
    
    In relationships, it’s also important to communicate about communication. If you notice that someone prefers texting and you don’t, bring it up early. For example, “I’m not big on texting, but I really enjoy talking on the phone or meeting in person—does that work for you?” This opens the door for honest discussion about expectations and preferences.
    
    If texting consistently isn’t your strength, you might consider incorporating other tools, like brief phone calls or sending thoughtful messages that show you’re invested. As Gary Chapman notes in The 5 Love Languages, everyone expresses and receives love differently. Perhaps her “language” was words of affirmation through regular texting, while yours leaned more toward quality time in person.
    
    Ultimately, she may have done you a favor by helping you reflect on how you communicate in relationships. By understanding and adapting to different communication styles, you’ll be better prepared for future relationships—and potentially deepen the next connection you form.

Reggie Manning, MSW

Schedule a free consultation here

This article also appeared in Unattached

Is Emotional Availability Cool

"I'm a man in my twenties and the past three women I've opened up to on our 6th/7th date have ended things with me shortly afterward. All I've shared is that I'm looking for a meaningful relationship and/or that I'm not content with my job. Is emotional availability cool, or are signs of weakness simply a turnoff for women?"

Emotional availability is absolutely cool—but timing and delivery are everything. When you’re six or seven dates in, you’re still in the pre-honeymoon phase, a stage where the focus is on having fun, enjoying each other’s company, and exploring whether a deeper connection is possible. Emotional availability isn’t about oversharing or rushing to reveal your vulnerabilities; it’s about being open, present, and willing to build a connection. It means sharing your feelings, listening deeply, and showing genuine curiosity about the emotions of others.
    
    From your question, it sounds like the way you’re approaching emotional sharing might be creating unintended consequences. If you’re expressing that you’re seeking a meaningful relationship or feeling dissatisfied with your job, reflect on how you’re framing these thoughts. When you say, “I’m looking for something meaningful,” it might come across as too heavy if the relationship itself hasn’t naturally reached that level of depth. Similarly, discussing job dissatisfaction without pairing it with a sense of hope or a plan for improvement might feel like unloading rather than connecting.
    
     According to attachment theory—a concept explored by psychologists like John Bowlby and popularized in books like Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller—the way we communicate emotional needs can either draw people closer or push them away. Sharing too much too soon, or in a way that focuses on problems rather than growth, can overwhelm a partner who’s still getting to know you.
    
    One helpful practice to refine how you communicate emotions is journaling. Spend 20 minutes writing freely about what’s on your mind. This process can help you clarify your thoughts, understand your feelings, and express yourself more effectively. Journaling also creates a safe space to process insecurities and doubts, so they don’t unintentionally dominate your conversations.
    
    Ultimately, emotional availability is about balance. Being open doesn’t mean laying everything bare at once—it’s about creating a safe and healthy emotional connection over time. As you refine how and when you share, you’ll likely find that emotional availability becomes a strength that deepens your connections, rather than a barrier.
    
    Reggie Manning, MSW
   

Schedule a free consultation here

This article also appeared in Unattached

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