"This girl ended our relationship because I was 'Too unresponsive over text.' Sure, it took me a while to respond to texts and I didn't do much to carry on a conversation. That's because I see text as a means for making in-person plans. When we did meet in person, we had a great time. I never flaked or was late to a single date. Do you think she has a point, or did she do me a favor by breaking up with me?"
It sounds like you’re reflecting on what happened, which is a great first step. Whether this was a budding relationship or someone you were dating for a while, one thing is clear: good communication is key. Whether it’s in person, via text, or over the phone, understanding and bridging communication styles can make or break a relationship.
You see texts as a practical tool for making plans—a means to an end. That’s a perfectly valid perspective, but it’s worth considering that your partner may have viewed texting differently. For many people, texting is not just a way to arrange meetups; it’s an ongoing way to connect, share moments, and deepen intimacy. If she valued consistent communication by text, your slower responses and lack of conversational engagement might have come across as disinterest or emotional unavailability, even if that wasn’t your intention.
It’s not about changing who you are or what you value, but about finding ways to meet in the middle. A simple acknowledgment—a quick “Got it!” or even a thumbs-up emoji—can go a long way in showing you’re present and engaged. These small efforts signal that you value the connection, even if texting isn’t your preferred medium.
In relationships, it’s also important to communicate about communication. If you notice that someone prefers texting and you don’t, bring it up early. For example, “I’m not big on texting, but I really enjoy talking on the phone or meeting in person—does that work for you?” This opens the door for honest discussion about expectations and preferences.
If texting consistently isn’t your strength, you might consider incorporating other tools, like brief phone calls or sending thoughtful messages that show you’re invested. As Gary Chapman notes in The 5 Love Languages, everyone expresses and receives love differently. Perhaps her “language” was words of affirmation through regular texting, while yours leaned more toward quality time in person.
Ultimately, she may have done you a favor by helping you reflect on how you communicate in relationships. By understanding and adapting to different communication styles, you’ll be better prepared for future relationships—and potentially deepen the next connection you form.
Reggie Manning, MSW
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This article also appeared in Unattached